Rationally, most people are aware of this, and they understand that having expectations is not always justified. Despite this, we go into almost all situations with certain expectations, which can be controlled and deliberate expectations or automatic expectations that are made subconsciously.
In fact, a lot of our thinking is automatic. Expectations, stereotypes and judgments are like cognitive shortcuts and they do serve a purpose: they allow us to save some processing power so that we can do more things. Imagine if you had to consciously think about every single thing you do and every single person you meet in a day.
Approaching a new situation with unfounded expectations is a recipe for disappointment. Improving your health, strength and stamina takes time and even if the program promises quick improvement, you should approach the whole endeavor with caution and patience.
Expectations also play an important part in our relationships with other people, and often, the reason these relationships turn sour is that our expectations are unmet. At the same time, we often forget to express these expectations. For example, you might expect your partner to realize that you prefer kind words over physical gifts, but they still keep bringing you small gifts instead of showering you with praise. Expecting people to magically read our minds and meet our expectations, while being less than open about our wants, is delusional.
Or, as psychologist John A. Johnson puts it:. Where do we get the sense of power to think that merely expecting others to behave the way we want them to will make them behave that way?
And what entitles us to get angry at other people when they fail to meet our expectations? The answer, of course, is nothing. It is our right to have expectations, but nobody is under any obligation to fulfill them. Feel free to enjoy the time with people who care about you. Stop fretting over how things could have turned out. Always remember that your best memories will be those which you probably would not have planned. When you respect people, it means you are allowing them just to be themselves.
No one can change anyone. As a matter of fact, you should even avoid trying out the same. Once you stop expecting from others, you will learn to appreciate them. Most disappointments arise when you try to change people and do not succeed. You should always allow people to be themselves. Each and every individual is unique. Hence, you always understand someone much better when you have spent more time with them.
You will also come across a few people who try to attack you in any possible way, even if you are kind to them. In such situations, you should never lower your self-esteem and just smile. Always remember that you are completely priceless to your loved ones. You will always be disappointed if you expect others to do things which you seem are right.
We may have a subjective opinion about what is wrong and what is right. You will be amazed at how well this one trick works.
A majority of your arguments, expectations as well as disappointments will be gone if you avoid the need to be right all the time. When you feel like someone failed you, try and go help someone else! Sometimes we translate being disappointed into being unloved. Chat Now ». Why lower your expectations?
How and where to lower your expectations What are some ways to lower your expectations? Make concrete, realistic plans to get what you want Disappointments at work or school can make life look bleak. Ask yourself these questions: Will this matter in 10 years? Does this person care for you? How important is this compared to other things in your life? How can you get what you want down the road? What can you learn from this?
Even so, until recently I held the expectation that when I reached out to her, I should expect a response back in a reasonable time frame. When I heard nothing back from her I found myself feeling hurt and ignored.
But I also realised that I had assumed an expectation on my friend that was based on my values, not hers. According to psychology, our tendency to place certain expectations on others may be due to the assumed similarity bias.
The assumed similarity bias means that we assume most people think and behave similarly to us. So, if we are the kind of person who holds the door open for someone else, we expect the same to be done to us. This study even showed that when we like someone, we assume our communication styles and values are the same as theirs. But we are not the same! We all have different values, beliefs and relational styles.
And if we want to be in relationship with people who are different to us, rather than clones of our personality, then we have to swallow our entitlement and humbly lower our expectations of them. The key to lowering our expectations is by making small adjustments. Particularly in the relationships where we may be coming from a place of entitlement, or making the assumption of similarity, we can take a small step back.
For example, if we stop relying on a family member for a lift or expecting a friend to listen to our venting, we also minimise the pressure we are putting on these relationships. In the case of my friend, I made a small adjustment where I stopped asking questions or making suggestions that required an immediate reply.
Stepping back may be difficult to do, but sometimes it is the healthiest option for a relationship. If we have an unmet expectation, an alternative solution is to consider how we can meet that need within ourselves, rather than trying to rely on someone else.
If we are careful to not expect too much, the pain of future disappointments is lessened, as well as our resentment towards others who think and act in a different way to us. In addition to putting less on others, we can also make the choice to give freely without expecting to receive something in return.
0コメント